Use specific instances not general statements. Be as complete as possible. Example: don’t say he or she verbally and emotionally abused me for months. Instead, cite every occasion by date, the words and gestures used, the fear caused, the witnesses present, etc. Use multiple pages if necessary. Reason: judges may not allow evidence of prior abuse if the defendant is not given notice in the petition about what he must defend against, instance by instance.

Be aware that following others’ advice to reconcile can be used against you. Judges ask: why did you go back to live with a man or woman who was trying to kill you?

Ask for all relief that is truly needed. Judges often view Orders of Protection as impermissible “quickie divorces” and thus will not grant certain relief discussed below. But, when there is real need and no prospect of satisfactory immediate relief in divorce proceedings, you should ask for (1) temporary custody of children, (2) child support, (3) alimony, and (4) exclusive possession of the residence.

Are you willing to accept a restraining order? This could be one that applies to both of you (a mutual restraining order) or one that is against the other spouse or partner only. While we do not usually advocate their use, they may be the best alternatives under some circumstances: (1) key witnesses are not available, (2) your spouse or partner may lose a job that can not easily be replaced, or (3) you and your spouse or partner are not likely to come into contact anyway. If you are willing to accept the restraining order, tell the judge or the lawyer for the defendant, not the clerk when you file the petition.